Funny Valentines Day Poems
Fantastic Valentines Day
Roses are red, this poems real corny
It’s supposed to tell you, you make me feel horny
That it’s you I’ve longed for from afar
And that I want to make love to you over the car
How forever to you, I’ll always be true
And that I’ll never leave you for that fit bloke on floor
Two
How with you I always want to spend my day
Tied to the kitchen sink, whilst our 23 kids outside do play
About how I love your smile and your eyes
And how when you kiss me I get butterflies
How I like it when you do this or that
And that I even like you when you act like a prat
But my darling I can’t tell such lies
‘Cause for you I only feel loathe and despise
And the idea of spending time with you is torture
I’d really rather be hung drawn and quarter(ed)
I’ve written this little ode so you’ll no longer
be misled
About who I dream of having tucked up in my bed
So make yourself comfortable, and listen as I define
Why you’ve no hope in hell of being my Valentine!
This might sound shallow and full of self care
But I can’t walk down the street with you, just look at
your hair
You’ve really bad breath and you stink of B.O.
You’re the male equivalent of a dirty skanky ho
You can’t dance for toffee, ‘cause your stiff as
cardboard
And I’m not into the Max Bygraves records you hoard
I don’t like to go train spotting or to collect stamps
And I’ve no interest in the maggot you keep in your pants
You’re dress sense is more Oxfam, than Gucci or Armani
And its doesn’t impress me that you know the words to
Pupunanny
I’m not thrilled by the fact that your head only comes
up to my chest
And no I can’t just use it as a place for my boobs to
rest
You aint got sexy footballers legs like Mr Rooney
And your teeth are more Austin Powers than George Clooney
Your knees are knobbly and your hands are too small
You get drunk after one shandy and you can’t kick a ball
You’ve no sense of direction, and your co-ordinations
naff
And who are you kidding with your fake dirty laugh?
Add to that the fact your jokes are crap
And you really are drippier than an old broken tap
I hope my constructive criticism hasn’t caused you offence
But that you’ve got the point now, because I know you’re
so dense
And all your begging and pleading won’t sway my mind
Unless you win the lottery jackpot or a million pounds you do
find
Now “Sweetheart” there’s only one thing left
for me to say
Hope you have a really “FANTASTIC” Valentines Day!
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